Trump To Pardon Children In Cages
In a move that will warm the very cockles of the heart of every single reader, as well as countless millions of his own supporters who just knew this day must come, President Donald Trump has decided to pardon all the children being held in cages alo…George Michael To Be Remembered Again At Christmas
As the world tries desperately to come to terms with the Coronavirus and all the changes it has brought to everyday life, it's fair to say that this Christmas might be one unlike any other. Shopping for presents in the High Street, if it's permitt…A man who ill-advisedly attempted to make a second cup of tea with a Lipton's tea bag now says he regrets the plan, after the resultant 'brew' was left looking the same color as a bowl of Quaker Oats. Or, maybe, wallpaper paste. The cuppa was m…
Trump to Pardon Matt Gaetz From Any Pending Charges That He’s an Annoying Tool
Washington - President Donald Trump, on his way out of the White House after being defeated by Joe Biden, has pardoned a number of his political cronies including, recently, formerly National Security Advisor Michael Flynn. He is also considering pa…Freezing German farm cats give farmer filthy looks and 'down tools!'
(NOT EDITED) Eifel, Germany: A bunch of shivering farm cats, not allowed into the farmhouse because they should be doing their jobs; hunting mice in the barn, and outside, have decided to go on strike because their butts are too cold! Farm cats ca…Pardon Christmas Gifts For Trump Children
Santa Claus is coming to Washington D.C. looking just like Donald J. Trump. The three eldest Trump children, plus the son-in-law and Giuliani, are looking for pardons as Christmas gifts. The question is: Why would the five require pardons? Cr…President Trump Praises The Founder of the Ku Klux Klan
CRACKERHEAD, Georgia â€" (Satire News) - The President spoke before a crowd of 27 at a Walmart parking lot, and told them that he promises he will never, ever leave the White House, even if someone kidnaps his son, Eric. Trump, who is becoming more…Match.com Profile Wins Pulitzer for Fiction; Ransom Note Wins for Poetry
NEW YORK â€" The 2020 Pulitzer Prize winners were announced today, and among the Fiction and Poetry categories were two surprises. In the fiction category, the match.com profile of Dennis Snead of Burlington, Wisconsin, was selected for its ‘innova…Uruguayan greetings sensitive Brits will 'nunca comprender! What a load of 'cojones!'
(NOT EDITED) Innocent, South American footy players, earning their dosh in the UK, are mostly unaware of ultra-sensitive Brits, willing to pounce on anything they do, or say, without even understanding a single thing about South American cultures, tr…Santa Claus Told To Stay At Home This Christmas
It's been announced in the last few minutes that a Coronavirus Think Tank made up of representatives from the world's leading powers has issued a strong warning to Santa Claus, telling him to stay at home this Christmas. Claus is known to be somet…National Gandhi Day Sparks 4-Day Riots
Iconic Indian Chef Mr Gandhi, who was the creator of the legendary Buryani, and had also played international cricket in his spare time, was due to have a statue erected in his honour to mark the anniversary of his death. BLM activists got wind of it…President Trump Sells a Destroyer to Kim Jong-un
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The FBI has announced that the United States government has just sold a U.S. destroyer to North Korea. FBI agent Aloysius Browser told the news media that the sale was discovered when a White House cleaning lady…Sean Hannity Tells President Trump To High-Tail It To Mexico Mucho Quicko
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" In what many television news reporters are saying is an amazing development in The Trump Gone Bat Shit Crazy Saga, the President’s biggest supporter, bar none, has just given him some earth-shattering news. POTUS ma…Man Says There Is No Need For Russia To Be So Big
A casual glance cast over any world map will show the viewer the immense dimensions of the territory of Russia, with its huge wide-open tracts of land and empty spaces, and it's been claimed by one man that there is absolutely no need whatsoever for…'The Voice' Results Infuriate Millions of Fans
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" The 19th season of the singing competition show, “The Voiceâ€, has just become the most controversial ever. In a move that fans described as stupid, dumb, and even Trumpian, the producers, for reasons known only to Bravo…Obama slated to take long vacation
Washington DC Swamp. President Obama, worn out from running the shadow government, is planning an extended vacation, now that a “real†president has been “electedâ€. Rumor has it that the US government will pay all expenses and provide maximum s…Jake Tapper Interviews Dog With Two Assholes
BILLINGSGATE POST: In an interview scheduled to be aired on Thursday, CNN’s Jake Tapper scores the first known interview of a dog with two assholes. The wily Tapper insisted that Joe Biden, along with his sidekick, Kamala “Breath†Harris, bring…NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Due to the increasing Coronapalooza numbers, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has decided to put an end to the traditional Sunday football game tailgate parties in the stadium parking lots. Goodell told Sports Terri…
BBC Tampering With Song: Man To Say The Word 'Faggot' Every Day Until Christmas
The BBC's tampering with the words of The Pogues' Christmas classic song, 'Fairy Tale Of New York', in order to pander to snowflakes, has got one man so angry, that he's claimed he will say the word 'Faggot' every day until Christmas. And possibly…Putin Says US Elections Were Flawed
Vladimir Putin, whose political opponents usually end up dead, shot in the back, falling out of windows, poisoned with umbrellas, or served radioactive tea at the Millennium Hotel in London, had the chops to say that the US 2020 Presidential Election…Boris asks the public for help with his password
Since his sinister adviser Dominic Cummings has gone, Boris Johnson's buffoonery has been allowed to romp unchecked. Numerous incidents in recent days have raised alarm among the PM's handlers. First, he posted a photo of his testes on Twitter, mi…Old soldiers found on Western Front, still fighting.
(NOT EDITED) A group of soldiers have been found in a remote part of Belgium. So what you say? Well, these are World War ONE soldiers!! They have stayed in combat for the last 116 years. The division of 30 military troops have been fighting under…California Fears That The Golden Gate Bridge Could End Up in Nevada
CARPINTERIA, California â€" (Satire News) - There is lots of concern in California, as earthquake experts from Left Coast College are predicting that a big earthquake could be right around the corner. According to tests being run in Japan, they fee…A man who is a frequent contributor to a satirical news website has revealed how, after nearly fourteen years as a member, he has written his very first - and, quite possibly, last - joke for the site. Many, many moons ago, all the way back in Dec…
Tom Brady: I Want to Play in Shitty Markets Until I’m 50
He has six Super Bowl rings and 14 Pro Bowl appearances. And he’s a shoo-in for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But don’t expect Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback and New England Patriots legend Tom Brady to hang up his bulky knee brace anytime…The New York Jets Fire Their Entire Cheerleading Squad
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" New York sports fans, like Boston and Philadelphia sports fans, can be downright mean and nasty when it comes to their home teams. Several years ago, Philadelphia Phillies fans booed the Easter Bunny. And, just la…Maria Bartiromo Has Just Become The Most Hated Woman In America
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Many U.S. news agencies are reporting that Fox News host, Maria Bartiromo, has just become the most hated woman in America. Bartiromo, who is 53, but looks 83, interviewed President Trump, and, after she finished, s…The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #9: The Dugong
The dugong is severely uninteresting. Its name is uninteresting; its appearance is uninteresting; and, by God, everything else about it is just as uninteresting - if not more so. For a start, the name 'dugong' has a rather uninteresting ring to it…Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows
There was mounting tension in Washington today, as, after his accident on Saturday, when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs, his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensur…Brit 'spiffing PM' confuses 'Lockdown' with 'Countdown' in his jumbled up bubble!
(NOT EDITED) Many Brit voters are now pondering over their decision to put 'spiffing' Boris Johnson into power as Christmas approaches. Oxford English language professors are being invited to Nr.10 Downing Street in an attempt to untangle the PM's sc…