Man Arrived At Work Only To Be Told To Go Home Again
A man who arrived at work this morning, only to be told that he should go home again because the government had just announced a second lockdown, has said he was well and truly pissed off, because his wife, who had brought him to work on her motorbik…God Denies Involvement In Maradona Hand Of God Goal
In a revealing moment earlier today which will undoubtedly send shockwaves all through the Buenos Aires baristas, the Supreme Being, God, has spoken out to deny any and all responsibility for assisting Argentina's Diego Maradona in the scoring of his…Centipede Scared Family Shitless
A quiet night in front of the TV spent watching a movie was ruined beyond redemption for one family last night, when, in the midst of their viewing, a gruesome impostor invaded their living room, and scared the living daylights out of them. The Ke…Maradona's obituaries "greatest of all time"
Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60. "I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call l…The Madame Tussaud Wax Museum Has Removed Trump’s Wax Likeness
PARIS â€" (Satire News) â€" The director of the famed Madame Tussaud Wax Museum has informed the news media that they have had to stop exhibiting the wax likeness of President Donald Trump due to financial reasons. Museum director Jean Franz L’Epinard…Maria Sharapova Wants To Buy a Soccer Team
MANHATTAN BEACH, California - (Sports Satire) â€" Maria Sharapova, one of the greatest female tennis players of all-time, says that the rumors of her wanting to buy a professional soccer team are, in fact, true. The statuesque, 6-foot-2-inch tennis…Justices React to Voter Fraud Case
In an unsigned opinion, the Supreme Court today rejected the Trump legal team's request for an appeal of the Pennsylvania voter fraud case. While unsigned opinions generally leave the public in the dark about the Court's thought process, a recording…Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News
The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually…London Full Of 'Facking Cants'
In sensational news coming out of the capital this morning, it's been claimed that, although it sees itself as the centre of modern business and finance, political tradition and progressive governance, the arts and all cultural thinking, London is ab…Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner
President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud. The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of vot…German Food Study Concludes Hamburgers Are From Hamburg
In what's being called the most miraculous set of coincidences, researchers in Germany have discovered where some of the country's most popular foods originated, and have published their findings in a major scientific journal, it's been reported.Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US
Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelt…Lady Gaga Says She Does Not Have a Penis
BROOKLYN â€" (Satire News) â€" For years and years, many pundits and fans have speculated that Lady Gaga was really a male who managed to suppress her male member. Lady Gaga says she has denied that rumor at least 3,000 times. She told RumorLand News…Lynyrd Skynyrd Cover Band Dies in Plane Crash
GILLSBURG, MISSISSIPPI â€" The plane flying a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band has crashed in the woods in a small town in Mississippi. Several members of the band, Curtis Lowe and the Saturday Night Specials, have reportedly died as a result of the crash.Falkirk Man Hits Out At Bairns Drain…
A Falkirk man who was just walking down the street, suddenly hit out at a total stranger because his beloved home-town is full of idiots. "Every village has an idiot, but we are flooded with idiots from other villages just settling here because t…Trump Hates His New Nickname #Loser
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump’s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media, who have given him a new nickname: #Loser. He insists that he really did not los…A White House Insider Reveals Trump Will Flee the Country on January 19
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A highly-respected White House insider has overheard President Trump telling Michael Flynn and Kayleigh McEnany, that there is no way on earth he is going to go to prison. POTUS, who is in deep shit, as they say…If Trump Slanders You, You’re Doing Something Right
Donald Trump has a habit of trying to slander his critics and even someone who out-sines him. Out-shines? That’s just about everyone except for Giuliani. They are equals. Take Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. After raising five children, she r…Las Vegas To Showcase Naked Female Boxing
LAS VEGAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Every Las Vegas hotel and casino has seen a drop in business by as much as 82%. One of the newest casinos, the Amazon Forest Hotel & Casino has stated that if business does not pick up, they may have to end up clo…AstroZenzena - The New Cure For The Trumpapalooza Virus?
OXFORD, England â€" (Satire News) â€" It appears that in the race to find a vaccine for the Coronavirus, AstroZenzena may actually be better than either Pfizer or Moderna. Hundreds of scientists working with AstroZenzena have stated that their product…Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders In Cheering Glitch
In a mix-up of gargantuan proportions, the Washington Redskins overwhelmed their rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, consigning them to yet another embarrassing loss, but there was controversy all the way through the contest, with the Dallas cheerleading tea…LeBron James Says The Lakers Will Visit The White House
LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) - The leader of the Los Angeles Lakers, LeBron James, says that now that the piece of shit loser, Donald Trump, is leaving in January, the Lakers will visit the White House. LeBron had said that as long as the "Racist…Sleepy Joe The Great: President Of The Holy Roiling Empire
BILLINGSGATE POST: Not since Pope Leo III crowned Charlemagne as Imperator Augustus on December 25, 800 has a man been so deified by the masses. Sleepy Joe the Great is in step to follow Charles the Great, who ruled the Holy Roman Empire until he die…Biden to Give a Free Puppy to Every Illegal Immigrant
In a pledge to the American people that has shocked political observers, President-elect Joe Biden has committed to giving a free Labrador puppy to all illegal immigrants caught crossing into America through Mexico. “These poor people have been de…Lonely old f*ck invited to Biden White House following Thanksgiving behavior modeling
This week Mr. Biden appealed to the country to keep Thanksgiving small, very small, in order “to snuff out the virus.†It is now understood he was also seeking “behavior models†on this matter, and this has led to discovery of a LOF ready, willing…Donald Trump Is Calling It Quits
Donald J. Trump says he’s had enough abuse, and Donald J. is calling it quits. He is resigning: “The 2020 election was stolen from me, like a car-jack and Mike Pence can take over. He'll manage a superbly terrific job, living here in the White House…President Trump is Excited About Implementing a Federal Traveling Firing Squad
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider has revealed that Melania Trump is extremely upset at her husband, because he wants to make a Presidential Executive Order that would allow the U.S. government to shoot prisoners, instead of pu…Joe Biden Agrees To Meet With Vladimir Putin
DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" Vox Populi says that President-Elect Joe Biden is wasting no time in trying to patch up the US-Russia differences, and has agreed to meet with Russia’s President Putin in February. The planned meeting will take pl…President Trump is Putting His Mississippi Beach House on The Market
DELTA DAWN, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky magazine is reporting that the president has decided to sell his Mississippi beach house. He told writer Amos Soursuckle that, now that he will soon become John Q. Public, he is going to have to cu…German farm cat re-named after watching Tyson box his way out of a wet paper bag!
Cats can be quite extraordinary, especially if they are allowed to watch telly! One German farm feline sneaked in the back door last night and secretly watched 'Iron Mike Tyson' punching fresh air against an opponent, who many years ago, would have l…