Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News
The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually…Justices React to Voter Fraud Case
In an unsigned opinion, the Supreme Court today rejected the Trump legal team's request for an appeal of the Pennsylvania voter fraud case. While unsigned opinions generally leave the public in the dark about the Court's thought process, a recording…London Full Of 'Facking Cants'
In sensational news coming out of the capital this morning, it's been claimed that, although it sees itself as the centre of modern business and finance, political tradition and progressive governance, the arts and all cultural thinking, London is ab…German Food Study Concludes Hamburgers Are From Hamburg
In what's being called the most miraculous set of coincidences, researchers in Germany have discovered where some of the country's most popular foods originated, and have published their findings in a major scientific journal, it's been reported.Lady Gaga Says She Does Not Have a Penis
BROOKLYN â€" (Satire News) â€" For years and years, many pundits and fans have speculated that Lady Gaga was really a male who managed to suppress her male member. Lady Gaga says she has denied that rumor at least 3,000 times. She told RumorLand News…Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US
Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelt…Lynyrd Skynyrd Cover Band Dies in Plane Crash
GILLSBURG, MISSISSIPPI â€" The plane flying a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band has crashed in the woods in a small town in Mississippi. Several members of the band, Curtis Lowe and the Saturday Night Specials, have reportedly died as a result of the crash.Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner
President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud. The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of vot…Falkirk Man Hits Out At Bairns Drain…
A Falkirk man who was just walking down the street, suddenly hit out at a total stranger because his beloved home-town is full of idiots. "Every village has an idiot, but we are flooded with idiots from other villages just settling here because t…Trump Hates His New Nickname #Loser
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump’s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media, who have given him a new nickname: #Loser. He insists that he really did not los…A White House Insider Reveals Trump Will Flee the Country on January 19
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A highly-respected White House insider has overheard President Trump telling Michael Flynn and Kayleigh McEnany, that there is no way on earth he is going to go to prison. POTUS, who is in deep shit, as they say…If Trump Slanders You, You’re Doing Something Right
Donald Trump has a habit of trying to slander his critics and even someone who out-sines him. Out-shines? That’s just about everyone except for Giuliani. They are equals. Take Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. After raising five children, she r…AstroZenzena - The New Cure For The Trumpapalooza Virus?
OXFORD, England â€" (Satire News) â€" It appears that in the race to find a vaccine for the Coronavirus, AstroZenzena may actually be better than either Pfizer or Moderna. Hundreds of scientists working with AstroZenzena have stated that their product…Las Vegas To Showcase Naked Female Boxing
LAS VEGAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Every Las Vegas hotel and casino has seen a drop in business by as much as 82%. One of the newest casinos, the Amazon Forest Hotel & Casino has stated that if business does not pick up, they may have to end up clo…Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders In Cheering Glitch
In a mix-up of gargantuan proportions, the Washington Redskins overwhelmed their rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, consigning them to yet another embarrassing loss, but there was controversy all the way through the contest, with the Dallas cheerleading tea…Sleepy Joe The Great: President Of The Holy Roiling Empire
BILLINGSGATE POST: Not since Pope Leo III crowned Charlemagne as Imperator Augustus on December 25, 800 has a man been so deified by the masses. Sleepy Joe the Great is in step to follow Charles the Great, who ruled the Holy Roman Empire until he die…Biden to Give a Free Puppy to Every Illegal Immigrant
In a pledge to the American people that has shocked political observers, President-elect Joe Biden has committed to giving a free Labrador puppy to all illegal immigrants caught crossing into America through Mexico. “These poor people have been de…Lonely old f*ck invited to Biden White House following Thanksgiving behavior modeling
This week Mr. Biden appealed to the country to keep Thanksgiving small, very small, in order “to snuff out the virus.†It is now understood he was also seeking “behavior models†on this matter, and this has led to discovery of a LOF ready, willing…President Trump is Excited About Implementing a Federal Traveling Firing Squad
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider has revealed that Melania Trump is extremely upset at her husband, because he wants to make a Presidential Executive Order that would allow the U.S. government to shoot prisoners, instead of pu…Joe Biden Agrees To Meet With Vladimir Putin
DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" Vox Populi says that President-Elect Joe Biden is wasting no time in trying to patch up the US-Russia differences, and has agreed to meet with Russia’s President Putin in February. The planned meeting will take pl…Manchester United sign Maradona's unknown son!
(NOT EDITED) United's scouting system knows no boundaries when searching for global talent. However, they have beaten the rest to an unknown whizz-kid, who no other club knew about until the sad death of the Argentinian Footy Magician. Maradona, w…Donald Trump Is Calling It Quits
Donald J. Trump says he’s had enough abuse, and Donald J. is calling it quits. He is resigning: “The 2020 election was stolen from me, like a car-jack and Mike Pence can take over. He'll manage a superbly terrific job, living here in the White House…Washington Turns The Dallas Cowboys Into Turkeys
DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" After most Dallas Cowboys fans had their Thanksgiving Turkey meal at home, they drove to Cowboy Stadium, where they saw lots and lots of turkeys dressed in white, gray, and blue Dallas uniforms. The Cowpokes just cannot…President Trump is Putting His Mississippi Beach House on The Market
DELTA DAWN, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky magazine is reporting that the president has decided to sell his Mississippi beach house. He told writer Amos Soursuckle that, now that he will soon become John Q. Public, he is going to have to cu…Nation Refuses to Pardon NBC for Complicity in Helping Trump Get Involved in Showbusiness
Washington - A growing chorus of political experts and observers in the United States are considering a class action suit against NBC, some television show producers and directors, and just about anyone else that had anything to do with Donald Trump…Washington - After President Trump pardoned convicted felon Michael Flynn to kick off an expected wave of presidential pardons - mostly of people loyal to, or friends of, the defeated chief executive - over a million inmates have submitted letters,…
Diego Maradona In New 'Hand Of God' Incident
Diego Maradona, the Argentine footballing genius that almost-singlehandedly derailed England's World Cup dream in Mexico, in 1986, in a bizarre incident that became known as the 'Hand of God', has been involved in yet another incident springing from…Man Says Football Is No Longer Important To Him
A man who, in his younger days, followed football as enthusiastically as it was possible to do, has said that he has now lost all interest in the game, and, actually, couldn't give a fuck about it. Moys Kenwood, now 57, became a football fan on 23…Evidence of election rigging has roiled New Zealand's "Bird of the Year" competition after a case of ballot-box stuffing has threatened to derail avian democracy. Suspicion began when organizers received more than 1,500 votes sent from the same em…
Teacher Disputes Students' "Boring" Claim
There was a stunned silence in a local school classroom this afternoon, when, after one of the students had had the audacity to pronounce that his Science teacher was "boring", the teacher in question decided to prove just how 'unboring' he actually…