Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Scores Touchdown
Everything comes to those who wait, and, for those patient Dallas Cowboys fans, their long wait certainly paid off yesterday with a 30-7 win against the Cincinnati Bengals, a win made even more satisfying after one of their cheerleaders scored one of…Anal Butt Boxcar- The Hidden Deadly Trend
If you hear kids talking about ABB, they probably aren’t talking about the latest rap song or internet meme. ABB is slang for a deadly new pastime. Anal-Butt-Boxcar or ABB is the latest fashion. It all started in Eastern Europe, which might as we…Like A Slowly Collapsing Souffle, Trump Says Election Not Over
Poof, like a slowly collapsing souffle, Donald Trump insists that the election isn’t over. But it’s over. Done. Finished. The fat lady sang. Joe Biden won. Pack your bags. Time to go back home. It isn’t like the grim reaper, but it is. Using capit…Trump appoints 18 Warped Republicans to SCOTUS in Operation Speed.
The U.S. Supreme Court suddenly found itself enhanced by 18 Republicans who surrendered their governorships for immediate appointment to the Supreme Court as justices. While America slept, Trump tweeted his new Executive Order: ‘In all 18 Red stat…Woman Surprised Her Husband With Sandwich Contents
It's always nice to treated to a surprise, particularly with something of a culinary nature, and that's exactly what happened to one man this weekend, when, after sweeping out the yard, then scrubbing his eyeballs out doing the family's laundry, his…Supermarket Customer Challenged About Face Mask
A female supervisor working in a supermarket who challenged a male customer over his non-wearing of a face mask, was left wishing she hadn't bothered this morning, when the customer reacted somewhat angrily by scowling and storming out, telling her h…Harry Maguire Blames Monkey Woods For Scoreless Draw
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a rare display of emotion, Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, blamed his most ardent fan, Monkey Woods, for the spiritless ambiance that permeated Old Trafford yesterday, as Manchester United and Manchester City drew 0-0…Doctors prescribe watching Manchester United instead of sleeping tablets!! ZZZZZZZZZ!
(NOT EDITED) Sleeping tablets can be addictive, cause liver damage, and by overdoses, death! Doctors worried about the abuse of sleeping tablets usage have been studying other methods of getting people to sleep, and out of their insomniac misery.It's been reported that a key that was left on a table later disappeared, and could not be located, despite a thorough search. The key, which was a motorbike key, was left on the table on Thursday evening at around 5 pm by Sue-tee, 14, after she h…
Republican Senators To Admit: Hey, Trump Lost
It is believed that, after the Electoral College certifies that Joseph Biden won the 2020 election and is the new President of the United States, further establishing that Donald Trump lost the November 3rd election, Republican senators will have a…Man Is Looking Forward To January 20
This year, 2020, hasn't been especially good for many people, particularly those who succumbed to the Coronavirus, COVID-19, and it's fair to say that most people will be glad to see the back of it, and to usher in a - hopefully - better new year on…The Minnesota Vikings Will Give Each Player A COVID-19 Incentive Bonus
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Minnesota Vikings owner, Zygmunt Wilf, no relation to porn star Lucretia Wilf, says he's really upset that his team has so many players that have come down with the Coronavirus. Wilf pointed out that…US Election to Finally be Deciided in the Ring
The job of most powerful crook in the world will no longer be held in doubt. The contest is to be decided by a WWE smackdown or "Presidential Grudge Match", as it is currently being advertised. Tickets for the fight are selling fast, and the UN is…Donald Trump Says He'd Like To Lead 2021 Ryder Cup Team
Ousted ex-president and keen golfer, Donald Trump, has revealed that he is "very interested" in captaining the 2021 US Ryder Cup team at the rescheduled event at Whistling Straits in Kohler, Wisconsin. Irishman Padraig Harrington will captain the…Coors To Use Drones To Deliver Beer
GOLDEN, Colorado â€" (Satire News) â€" The board of directors of the Coors Brewing Company has hit on an idea to improve on their delivery service. Board of Directors Chairman Yusif Tayrus pointed out that the test program will involve delivering up t…Georgia Independent Man Conflicted Over US Senate Runoff Elections
Independent Georgia man, Danny Unfettered, admitted that he is completely conflicted over which candidates he will vote for in January’s US senate run-off elections. He has found himself at the crossroads of trying to figure out which senate party h…"Time Out for USC, We Have to Pay the Referee"
The Rose Bowl, Pasadena, CA. Friday night, Dec. 12, 2020. An SOS From Woof Blister for Spoof On Sports. Never was the parody of the Trojan fight song, "Fight On", more appropriate than on this night, as the USC eleven came back in the final minu…Sarah Ferguson To Remarry Prince Andrew
LONDON â€" (Satire News) â€" Tickety Boo News is reporting that the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, and the Duke of York, Prince Andrew, are planning on remarrying. Neville Twickenbuck, with Tickety Boo, reports that an ex-Buckingham Palace guard tol…(NOT EDITED) Hollywood, in a last desperate attempt to entertain corona-struck filmgoers, have decided to give Harrison Ford a final chance to leap out of his wheelchair, grab his whip, and go on a last Indiana Jones adventure. There was a slight…
Woman Finds Happiness Before Wood-chipper Demise
Paducah, Ky: Bethany Gathers was on a mindful meditation walk when she started to run. Rudy, her husband heard screaming. “I knew it was Betty. I thought she was in some kind of trouble. Then she seen me and was hollerin’ "oh, I’m happy, I’m finally…Female Football Show Host Made Schoolgirl Error
There were cases of stifled laughter and sideways glances in a TV studio earlier this evening, and viewers at home had to pinch themselves, when the female host of True Visions Live Matchday Extra football programme made a schoolboy error when she re…Are you missing the popular beat-combo Steps? If you are, then you are not alone, as, during lockdown, their tracks 'One for Sorrow' and 'Tragedy' have been streamed fairly regularly, obviously not that much, but enough for them to half-think abou…
President Trump Seen Through Window Wearing Basque
There can be fewer things more embarrassing than actually 'being President Donald Trump' at the moment, but the soon-to-be-ousted US leader went one better this week, when he was seen through a window at the White House wearing a sexy basque. An e…Dukes Of Hazzard Lost 'Lynching' Episode Discovered
Little Rock, Arkansas - A sub shop in Little Rock, traded three meat-lovers subs, for what turned out to be the only known copy of a lost pilot episode of '80s TV smash hit, The Dukes Of Hazzard. The episode, which die-hard Dukes fans refer to as…"We will be forever grateful to Nigel Farage and that one meeting he attended while sitting on the EU's fisheries committee for eight years. If he hadn't been on our side we would have been sold down the river. He fully deserves his £75,000 pa EU pen…
Dolly Parton Saves Baby From Dingo
BRISBANE â€" As if helping to fund the Covid-19 vaccine, supporting victims of wildfires, and getting books to underprivileged children wasn’t enough, now country star Dolly Parton has saved a baby from a dingo. While touring the Northern Territory…Man Thinks That All Things Are Relative
A man who thinks a lot has said that all the things we consider to be 'better' than other things are not really 'better', but merely 'different'. They appear to be better, but, to him, everything is the same. For example, claims Moys Kenwood, 57:…Snopes Verifies Biden’s Tryst With Three Chinese Hookers On Forklift
BILLINGSGATE POST: Snopes, the same group that verified that two Russian hookers peed on Donald Trump’s hotel bed, have now confirmed that the improbable story about Joe Biden having sex with three Chinese hookers while he was driving a forklift dow…Another Dropkick For Donald Trump By The Supreme Court
In a unanimous decision by the US Supreme Court, Donald Trump received another dropkick out of the Supreme Court and out of the White House. Trump’s team hasn’t yet petitioned Santa Claus to throw out the 2020 election, but after Santa, Trump's lawye…Nietzsche Didn't Know What He Was On About, Claims Man
The 19th-Century German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, is at the centre of a mild controversy tonight, after a man who attempted to read his book, 'Beyond Good and Evil', claimed that he hadn't got the faintest idea what he was talking about. T…